Jon At Work

Jon At Work
Originally uploaded by katierebecca.

Working at Murrayfield Ice Rink definitely has its perks. Did I say perks? I meant funny stories:

***I Need A Plaster***
Imagine my horror when this Scottish kid comes up to me at the Skate Hire counter (= Skate Rental counter) witih an expression of pain on his face and mumbles something about a plaster. He spoke with a thick Scottish accent and it took me several moments to figure out he wanted a plaster. Of course, that didn't help me because I had no idea what a plaster was, much less how I was going to administer one to him. Does he mean a plaster of paris, like in art class? Did he break something? Does he need a cast? I don't know how to do casts. In situations like these I turn to my colleague Jill, guru of all things Scottish (she is Scottish). Coming to my rescue she asks the wincing kid what he needs, and he repeated "I need a plaster". She opened the first aid kit and took out a (drumroll)........bandaid. A plaster = a bandaid. Is that common knowledge?

***Sweetie***
Sometimes I can't tell whether I work at an ice rink or a dentist office. It is quite common to see young kids being dragged kicking and screaming by their parents onto the ice. I watch as hopeful parents lace up the skates of their 3 year olds, dreams of Olympic glory in tow. Some kids like it, but most hate it and can't wait to take the darn things off their tiny little feet. Our skates go as small as a child's 4, which is pretty small. These little skates look like they could almost be Christmas tree ornaments. One time there was this little girl who was just crying her head off. I keep some candy around for times like this and and I asked her, "Would you like a candy?" She would have none of it and continued her wailing- same as the first, a little louder and a little bit worse. Her mum (= mom) had the prudence to translate my kind but neglected gesture. "The man has a sweetie for you. Would you like a sweetie?" Immediately the child stopped her crying and stuck out her hand. Candy? No thanks. Sweetie? Gimme gimme gimme!!

***The Man***
I'm affectionately known by the ice-rink patrons as "the man". This, of course, has nothing to do with the North American usage of the word as a form of praise, which refers to the recipient's status as the leader or authority within a particular context, i.e. "You the MAN!" It's just how people in the UK say "the guy". Instead of "the skate hire guy" I'm "the man at the counter". I'll often hear parents say to their kids, "give your shoes to the man" or "the man will take your ticket" or "did you say thank you to the man?" Look out everybody...for I am.... THE MAN!!!!

***I'll have the usual/ I like your top***
One of the best things about working at the rink is that I get to see kids once in awhile. When you're a postgrad student who doesn't hang around with anybody with kids you forget how funny kids can be. There's this one kid who must be in grade 2, and one time he came in he kind of just slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I'll have the usual." This was very amusing to me. The usual? Does he think he's in a bar? Another time he came in on a day I forgot my work uniform and was just wearing my normal clothes. Upon receiving his skates from me, he said "Thanks. By the way, I like your top" in a nonchalant, passing kind of way. My sense of fashion has just been deemed acceptable by an eight year old kid. Terrific. I had to try hard to keep a straight face because I know he meant for it to be a compliment. This other time a younger kid, maybe 6 years old came up to the counter after he had gotten his shoes back. He put 20 pence on the counter and smiled at me. "What's this?", I asked, thinking he had found the coin on the floor. He just kind of scratched his head and said, "it's your tip!" I can't even call someone on a pay phone with 20p, but that totally made my day. Kids are funny.

***Lose the Leg***

While getting taking people's smelly shoes and giving them skates in return may *seem* like an exciting way to pass the time away, most days it really isn't, and I have to invent my own ways to liven things up. Sometimes I mess with the customers' heads.

It's not my job to help people lace up/take off their skates but I always help those who ask for it. There was this one lady who had tied a million knots on her skate and she just *could not* take her skate off. So she put her skate on the counter and I tried to undo the knots. After several minutes of trying to undo the knot and not being able to, I looked at her in resignation and said in all seriousness, "I'm sorry but I think you're going to have to lose the leg." She realized I was joking, but the look on her face was priceless.

Sometimes with the really little kids, when returning their shoes I like to pretend their shoes are alive and either walking or running away or dancing. They get a kick out of that. Or, instead of returning their child sized pink flowery sneakers I'll give them muddy men's army boots or something. They inevitably smile and say, "those aren't my shoes!" or try to describe their shoes to me. "No, no... the pink ones with the white flowers on the side. Size 9." No, really. Murrayfield should have thought twice before they hired a nut to work in their skate hire!!! Mwahahaha....